There’s plenty of life in the “old dog” left. Kevin Campbell, a world champion in 1976, remains all club bowlers’ champion in every respect. Glen’s provincial selector and player, a legend to all, among the most consistent and best players in four decades of bowls proved it when skipping his side to victory in the Personal Trust/WPBA Trips at Durbanville – another of his bravura performances for which he is famous.

It was Campbell’s 168th district title – surely a record?

The first time I saw Campbell play he was 17, in Pretoria, when with his beloved mother (a fantastic bowler in her own right) sublimely annexed a Northern Transvaal trophy – one of the many pieces of silverware he has accumulated at all disciplines and levels in a glittering career.

Now, airline executive Campbell, somewhat older, but still trim (minus afro hairstyle), will, hopefully, represent WP in this season’s interdistricts; soon, as a senior, he will be sure to play for his nation again.

He, Mike Zartz and Chris Fenton, having comfortably seen off the amazing combination of club mates David Epstein, Terry Leahy and Basil Novitzkas (wow!) in a semi-final then denied another WP player in Wilhelm Malan, who with Nico Joubert and Shaun Tilley (Goodwood) had defeated Constantia’s also super-consistent Alan Lofthouse, Peter Harvey, Ian Saunders 19-14 in their semi – with a 19-14 shut-out.

In the women’s event, Jeanette Raad, Rita Himschoot, and Jay Goodman gave Milcos (newly-formed from Milnerton/Cambridge-on-sea) their first trophy with a 21-17 victory over SA Senior Masters player Pat Stallwood with Audrey Dewhurst and another legend in Jo Peacock (Durbanville).

Results: Men: Semi-finals: W Malan, N Joubert, S Tilley (Goodwood) 19, A Lofthouse, P Harvey, Saunders (Constantia) 14; K Campbell, M Zartz, C Fenton (Glen CC) 19, D Epstein, T Leahy, B Novitzkas (Glen CC) 11; finals: Campbell 19, Malan 14; Women: P Stallwood, A Dewhurst, L Maritz (Durbanville) 21, F de Kock, A Quinn, L Maritz (Durbanville) 20; J Raad, R Himschoot, J Goodman (Milcos) 15, D de Power, R Shalom, C Gouws (Goodwood) 12; final: Raad 21, Stallwood 17

The WPBA Standing Committee for Marketing and Development have altered their seven zones, also distributing them between the four members who will act as ‘guardians’ – Paul Cohen (Helderberg Basin/Lion’s Head); Jandre Stoltz (Northern/Western Suburbs); Jill van Rensburg (Central/Southern Suburbs); Eric Green (False Bay). Some clubs do not have an M/D officer (a Bowls SA requirement). Clubs should forward all details tostancom.md@gmail.com before November 11.

The tireless Paul Cohen has begun a weekly session, using New Age Bowls indoors, at Gloria Botha Downsyndrome School, Victoria Park, Somerset West. The youngsters are enthusiastic and enjoy a chance to participate in a sport,. He visits them on Fridays from 10-12. If you wish to contact them: 0218012184. And if your Club is facilitating a successful schools bowl project, contact Paul Cohen (0727513088) for feedback to BowlsSA.

Notices:

• THORNTON: All stock and assets to be sold November 3 10am-2pm; Eddie Doyle: 0824657084; Wendy Adams: 0825473808

• A markers’ course will be held at Helderberg on November 21 and 28. Cost is R50; Contact: Helen Edwards, 0218555381/edwards974@telkomsa.net

• Pick ʼn Pay Family Stores/Old Oak Open Fours; November 10; 9am; R240 a side; 1st prize R1 300; indicate lunch requirements two days before; entries to: Nick du Preez 0219192218/ 0834555297; e-mail: oldoakbc@gmail.com92218/ 0834555297; e-mail: oldoakbc@gmail.com

• Helderberg Mixed Sixes; April 13/14; 3 x15 ends daily; teams of s ( 6 x trips, 3 x pairs, 3 x fours, all mixed; first 18 teams accepted; Peter Human: 0218528368/0828712162; Joe Hodge: 0218520436/0833080390

• Oakdale general knowledge quiz; October 28; 7pm for 7.30; teams of 2-6; R50 a head (includes a meal); Rianna: 0827758939/netekke@iburst.co.za

• R3 000 Schonenberg Retirement Village/Strand; men’s trips; 9am; All-day November 15; Tel: 021-8536625; first 2 x 10, 1 x 18 ends; R180 a team (teas and lunch); closes November 10; Koot Strauss: 0218544776/083 7601250; Piet Colyn: 0218544264/0832911615

• De Vere Investments/Somerset West All Day Mixed Trips; December 6; 9am; 3 x 14; R180 team (arrival coffee/snacks/lunch); close: Dec 1; Trig Eia: 0825681459; Lyn Thomas: 0825656871

• Fine Foods & Wine Kwikspar, Lions Square/Somerset West Mixed Trips Christmas Classic; December 16; 9am; 3 X 14 Ends; R180/team; Closes Dec 13; Trig Eia 0825681459/Lyn Thomas 0825656871.

• Schonenberg Retirement Village/Somerset W Novice Mixed Trips; February 12 & 19; 9am; 3 X 14 daily; R180 team (arrival coffee/snacks/lunch); closes Feb 5: Pete Sneller: 0218518819.

• Schonenberg Retirement Village/Stellebosch/Van der Stel Mixed Trips All Day; March 15; 9am; R195/team (tea and lunch); 3 X 14; Marlene Lambrechts 0218865158/0827291730/Lmarlene@telkomsa.net

• Somerset West; 50th Roelcor Meats/Sally Pooke Day; wear some bling; women’s fours; 3 X 14 March 6; 9am; R220 a team: Lyn Thomas: 0825656871;/0218524408 (after 7pm); Joan Marais 0218515189.

• Strand: 11th Réhle Slabber Classic; March 1/2; R20 000 prizes; mixed 4s; R700 a team; (light breakfast,teas, lunches, supper) 3×15; Contact: Koot Strauss: 0218544776/0837601250; Sussie Boonzaier: 0218547720; 0760367286; club: 0218536625.

Will the real comedians please stand up

 “…they don’t blame you so long as you’re funny…”

The Yeomen of the Guard (W S Gilbert),

They have been with us for centuries. They have amused, derided, cajoled and commented on life; they have entertained millions … comedians – the world is never short of a fool.

Nowadays, it seems every unemployed or unemployable actor or actress who trips on the boards turns hopefully to stand-up comedy to make an honest crust.

Now I am not sure that Wikipedia is always the most accurate or definitive source of material, but hats off to whomever filled in the spaces for comedy … excellent.

To justify this blog I have lifted some Wikipedia material from the Internet. They say:

“In stand-up comedy the comedian recites a fast-paced succession of humorous stories, short jokes called “bits”, and one-liners, which constitute what is typically called a monologue, routine or act.

“Some stand-up comedians use props, music or magic tricks to enhance their acts.

“Stand-up comedy is often performed in comedy clubs, bars, neo-burlesques, colleges and theaters, but there are no real restrictions on where the craft can be performed. Stand-up comedy is also performed by professional comedians outside of traditional entertainment venues, such as in country clubs, at corporate events and conferences, as charity fundraising events, even in temples and churches.

“Many smaller venues hold “open mic” (microphone) events, where anyone can take the stage and perform for the audience, offering a way for amateur performers to hone their craft and possibly break into professionalism.

Stand-up is an art form that is openly devoted to getting immediate laughs from an audience above all else, unlike theatrical comedy which creates comedy within the structure of a play with amusing characters and situations. In stand-up comedy, feedback of the audience is instant and crucial for the comedian’s act.

“Audiences expect a stand-up comic to provide a steady stream of laughs, and a performer is always under great pressure to deliver. This pressure can be thrilling, but also threatening. Actor-comedian Will Ferrell has called stand-up comedy “hard, lonely, and vicious.”

“If the performer cannot coax laughs out of the audience, the bored crowd may harass the comedian, a practice known as heckling. One hallmark of a master stand-up comedian is the ability not only to face down and silence a heckler, but to win over and entertain the rest of the crowd with a witty retort.

“An adept stand-up comedian will nimbly play off the mood and tastes of any particular audience, and adjust his or her routine accordingly. Heckling is viewed differently in different cultures. For example in Britain, heckling is considered to be a normal part of the stand-up experience, and is in fact actively encouraged by some.

“The skills attributed to stand-up are diverse, as the stand-up comic often acts as writer, editor, performer, promoter, producer and technician for the act. Many stand-up comedians work for years to develop 45 minutes of material, and usually perform their bits repeatedly, slowly perfecting them over time.

“In spite of the name, stand-up comedians do not always stand up. Some will sit on a stool; … one used an easy chair – the term “sit-down comic” is usually pejorative.

Are they all funny? Decidedly not.

There are too many. Amazingly they regard themselves seriously. When interviewed, they are convinced of their funniness, charisma and place in guffaw society; many have it seriously wrong.

Plenty, unfortunately, have also decided that to be a contemporary gag person, “dirt” is an alternative to originality. Worst are the women comediennes – a word that has truly gone out of fashion as feminists and bar room babes curiously and perhaps without being aware of it, vie for an almost masculine approach –  who are often excruciatingly crass and crude and decidedly unfunny.

In fact, the dirtier their double entendres and the closer to “below the belt” they can plunge, so, they imagine, the more laughs they will win. In sand-floored bars maybe, but in the real world, not so.

They might ponder that there is an extremely thin line between belly laughing and an audience reacting with nervous or group hysteria … not noticed perhaps as disapproval?

How does one rid the world of hordes of unfunny people clogging the radio waves and now, with exasperating regularity, on television screens, in shows that reflect “SA Humour at its best (worst?) or “A laugh a second?”

There are even annual comedy festivals, some are: Edinburgh Fringe^[; Melbourne International Comedy Festival; FunnyFest Calgary Comedy Festival; Cologne Comedy Festival (in Germany no less!), Just For Laughs, Kilkenny Cat Laughs Comedy Festival, New Zealand International Comedy Festival, Lucille Ball Comedy Festival, South African Comedy Series (TV).

No contemporary names, no pack drill, so the cliché goes … I will say with that.

But to look back to post-war Britain and the US, there were genuine funny chaps and chapesses who in 50 years never resorted to offensive material … the beloved, marvellous fez-adorned Tommy Cooper comes to mind … “just like that.” Beloved perennials such as Arthur Askey and Morecombe and Wise, Bob Hope, Lucille Ball, George Burns, John Cleese, Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Newhart and others, spring to mind.

Sport too has its light-hearted brigade.

The soccer goal scorers and their “amusing” dances after each goal, or their back flips; the hugging and V signs from teams when they do something critical, or just win, the tongue poker-outers at  cameras and so on … natural stand-up funny moments.

I suppose, in a way, the unfunny folk provide ammunition for the “bring back the death penalty” postulants, for in another way that’s good news for the righteous Right..

After all, the “merry” court jester often lost his head if the king or queen (or even a court favourite) decided enough was enough.

That might be a little extreme, but if those queuing up to join the jokes “dole line” imagine it was an option, might they might take their positions and their jokes a little more seriously?

In fact, the majority uses poor material which is often repetitive, often plagiarised, amazingly boring, usually unfathomable. Loosely tied to some obscure piece of news, the comedian often has to wait to allow the audience to digest the joke and then laugh … not the way in my youth.

Perhaps one of my most amusing one-liners is: “… Everyone is entitled to their own opinion; it’s just that yours is stupid …”

Nuff said.

About a year ago Bill McCarthy, Dennis Brown and Roy Gaylard of Meadowridge decided to design and construct an accurate device to measure green speeds.

They did, it works and is named the Billometer, in honour of Bill McCarthy, the club’s green keeper, who has done much to improve club greens.

Golfers are familiar with the Stimp Meter, a similar device, used to measure green speeds for putting, but bowls manufacturers probably first used ramps as bias testing tables; chutes check bowls’ bias  to World Bowls standards.

For tournaments and club events, accurate speed measurement normally requires a timekeeper and a good bowler to deliver at least three “dead draws” exactly 27m up and down a green.  But another way is a device to deliver bowls at a constant speed … distance converted to speed in seconds.                                 

“…BSA Law 25: Pace of Green is the number of seconds taken by a bowl from delivery to a resting point 27m from the mat line … ideal green speeds are 12.5 – 13.9…”

In Australia, short chutes used on fast greens in excess of 15sec are unable to deliver a bowl to reach 27m on South African greens; SA greens average less than14sec; by international standards not quick.

In 2002 Rob Judson of Currumbin Waters, Queensland, a coach, developed tables where on a green speed of 10sec a bowl would require delivery from a height of 2.10m to reach 27m; the Billometer compares favourably, from a height of only 1.80m.

The Meadowridge team experimented with prototypes, using plastic and aluminum and for a running surface used hard wood quadrants secured to pinewood supports reinforced with aluminium angles – found to be best for shaping into the smooth large radius curve required for smooth delivery from vertical to horizontal. This was a critical area to obviate bouncing of bowls on delivery; a video camera with images every 0.04/sec detected any bouncing.

The chute consists of a 3m straight section connected to a foot-piece shaped with a large diameter curve on to a horizontal steel support plate; the chute with foot-piece is supported by two adjustable legs anchored to the foot-piece.

Club stalwart and a former president, John Morgan, who kindly explained technical data, says once calibration trials are completed, tables will convert the distance a bowl travels into speed; accurate to less than .5sec; measuring backhand and forehand draws

Meadowridge see other uses, such as a coaching tool – wobble effect, grass line – as well as a myth buster, comparing bias and distance runs of bowls.

One slight disadvantage is the Billometer is 3 200mm long and weighs about 10.5kg, which restricts transportation.

But a major invention; exciting and accurate … a boon to club officials throughout the bowls world; well done Meadowridge.

 

 

Clubs continuing to flout BowlsSA’s constitutional ruling on a ban on non-affiliated (to district and, therefore to BowlsSA) players using their greens are warned by the umbrella body the prescribed penalty of R1 000 per infringement, per person will be invoked.

 

 

A fund-raising bridge drive in aid of Peninsula Blind Bowlers playing in their national tournament takes place at 2pm on Friday, November 25 at WPCC bowls clubhouse. Book a table (R120), or for yourself, with Brenda Voigt: 0216839593.

 

Support WP Woman Nomad Bowls and help deserving charities with fun and exercise? Play is on the first Sunday afternoon monthly at various venues to raise funds; there’s tea and snacks and a prizes are sponsored. Cost is a paltry R15. Contact: numbers: 0219311836, 0834602029, 021913657, 0826993246, 0845795855, 0828259060

 

 

 

Notices:

• Pick ʼn Pay Family Stores/Old Oak Open Fours; November 10; 9am; R240 a side; 1^st prize R1 300; indicate lunch requirements two days before; entries to: Nick du Preez 0219192218/ 0834555297; e-mail: oldoakbc@gmail.com92218/ 0834555297; e-mail: oldoakbc@gmail.com
• Helderberg Mixed Sixes; April 13/14; 3 x15 ends daily; teams of s ( 6 x trips, 3 x pairs, 3 x fours, all mixed; first 18 teams accepted;  Peter Human: 0218528368/0828712162; Joe Hodge: 0218520436/0833080390
• Oakdale general knowledge quiz; October 28; 7pm for 7.30; teams of 2-6; R50  a head (includes a meal); Rianna: 0827758939/netekke@iburst.co.za
• R3 000 Schonenberg Retirement Village/Strand; men’s trips; 9am; All-day November 15; Tel: 021-8536625; first 2 x 10, 1 x 18 ends; R180 a team (teas and lunch); closes November 10; Koot Strauss: 0218544776/083 7601250; Piet Colyn: 0218544264/0832911615.

 

 

 

 

BowlsSA drives development; WP, as do all districts, embraces that thought. One of the most vital components of WP vision is ensuring young players are blooded in the U-19s, exposed, encouraged and embraced in the U-25s and finally cast on to the bigger stage with an introduction through the provincial B side on their way to the top.

 

But bowls is an amateur sport. Young players, male and female need to work. They have to balance bowls time with much expected of them in their careers and in family duties. They are faced with leave strictures, finances and problems with fatigue – both mental and physical. Life goes on off the green – no central contracts, no one to pick up the tabs and no quarter from demanding employers, themselves battling a melt-down economy.

 

So there’s some bad news and a little mitigating good news regarding our brightest young woman player. Janita du Toit (Plumstead), poised to turn from a “seed”: (she’s a chirpy, bright young woman) to a handsome disa.

 

She has had to withdraw from WP trials, at which she could reasonably have expected to be selected for the B interdistricts team … a sure step upwards for a young player tipped to win February’s Warwick/BowlsSA Junior Masters in Port Elizabeth.

 

She is in an invidious position as Under 25 and open provincials are just too much for her to handle – for all reasons. She has a boss to consider, she is in line for promotion; she also has to study.

 

Something has to give. Janita has weighed it all up and, I feel, chosen wisely.

 

She has withdrawn from WP trials and will play another year with the U25s, who are desperately in need of her skills as some other top youngsters, who recently had babies, are unavailable.

 

I am sure the selectors understand, none more than convenor Maureen McLeod, a tireless campaigner for working women’s rights.

 

 Janita is hardly the size of Arnold, but, I am certain … she will be back.

 

 

The early bird, it is said, catches something and Bellville was not waiting this year to see what was available and opened last weekend. New president, Gerrit van Milligen, lauded members’ hard work and the club’s new growth plans. Focus is on recruitment, improvement in overall bowls skills, innovative play formats; organisation of competitions, functions and fundraisers, excellence of greens and keeping a weather eye on provincial and national matters. This columnist wishes Bellville (always a great club to visit) and its members a great season.

 

 

 

 

Organisers of the Warwick/BowlsSA Masters at the oldest club in the country (130 years in 2012) – Port Elizabeth Bowling Club and also at Park Drive, from February 10– 12 February 2012 – invite qualified markers to apply for duties during the event. While good experience and an honour, hopefuls will have to meet their own expenses. Must say, that sounds a bit tough to me. Hey ho; contact Alf Hicks: hickses@mweb.co.za or 082 572 7873.

 

Support WP Woman Nomad Bowls and help deserving charities with fun and exercise? Play is on the first Sunday afternoon monthly at various venues to raise funds; there’s tea and snacks and a prizes are sponsored. Cost is a paltry R15. Contact: numbers: 0219311836, 0834602029, 021913657, 0826993246, 0845795855, 0828259060

 

 

 

The WP 2011-2012 season will be officially opened by president Ron Delport at WPCC this (Oct 9) afternoon. And, do not forget, please everyone; get stuck into the WP lottery … R50 a month (or more units if required) could mean an early Christmas present. Contact your club’s representative NOW.

 

Notices:

• Pick ʼn Pay Family Stores/Old Oak Open Fours; November 10; 9am; R240 a side; 1^st prize R1 300; indicate lunch requirements two days before; entries to: Nick du Preez 0219192218/ 0834555297; e-mail: oldoakbc@gmail.com
• Helderberg Mixed Sixes; April 13/14; 3 x15 ends daily; teams of s ( 6 x trips, 3 x pairs, 3 x fours, all mixed; first 18 teams accepted;  Peter Human: 0218528368/0828712162; Joe Hodge: 0218520436/0833080390