The first of two “Christmas blogs” are designed to make you smile; a chance to reflect on life’s absurdities…

“Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities, has the power to make you commit injustices” … Voltaire

Only a scientist could explain visual aberrations as “…departures of the performance of an optical system from the predictions of paraxial optics…” in itself total jargon, untranslatable, inexplicable, remote.

Stop to think; how many contradictions and aberrations surround us? They are everywhere.

Literature offers paradoxical language manipulations; often the explanation is more puzzling than the subject itself.

Take zeugma, a rhetorical term for the use of a word to modify or govern two or more words, although its use may be grammatically or logically correct with only one (laugh out loud) … an example could be: “You held your breath and the door for me,”

(Alanis Morissette, Head over Feet”); how many have heard of it, or give two hoots for, the word?

Aberrations in life include terrorists who kill “for freedom”, but are simultaneously, or certainly later when in power, referred to as zealots, martyrs or freedom fighters; drug user “celebrities” who, repeatedly, receive knuckle raps from courts for indiscretions, while “normal” members of the public go to jail – and clerical pedophiles who for decades hide habits (excuse the pun) behind cant and secrecy; their churches in desperate denial.

Language and its etymology fascinate. Spoonerisms (transposition by accident) such as sparking pace, bass packwards, chilled greese, dame luck, joking smacket or tarking picket, always raise a smile, while a double entendre or adianoeta. in which a spoken phrase might be understood in either of two ways, usually produces a smirk or a wince, depending on how risqué it might be; my favorites include two of many from actress Mae West … “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted” and “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”

Religion, a subject one should not argue, especially if expert, provides remarkable aberrations; but, seemingly for the sake of convenience; it is either ignored or argued away.

Is it not amazing how the Jews are still blamed for the death of Christ, who is referred to in Christianity as “King of the Jews?”; while an outrageous African American website “The Aberration of Islam” asks: “… Where do we go from here? We continue to fight the white devils, condemn the ghetto religion that is Jewish, and to fight and kill one another. Wisdom decrees that in segregation, oppression and in divine power is the way to a Superior Black Society. Foolishness decrees that if we ignore the warning signs, we will fall into the deeper abyss of Hell (sic) and lay beside the white devils…”

In one word, Wow!

In the temporal world (what is happening today) the true roots of religions, yes all of them, are immersed in the exact opposite of what they promised. Christmas, Easter, even Ramadan and Passover, Hindu Divali and Buddhist marriage and funeral rites have somehow become tainted with commercialism and tourist attractions.

A clear example of modern religious aberration is a report which states: “Generally the top Taliban leaders…have banned depictions of the human form whether in photographs, films or paintings…but photographs are actually required when applying for a passport or visa, though in the case of women only the eyes are allowed to show.” (New York Times, May 6, 2001).

What absolute nonsense.

One has only to take a look at The League of Nations’ ill-conceived Geneva Convention to see how absurd man can be. A clause in it to try to make warfare “humane and fair” (what a joke) sets out what it deemed as “rules” for “fair fighting,” by banning the use of dum-dum bullets (“hollow nose”, which inflict dreadful exit wound damage). Fair enough, but can you imagine a solider, confronted by an enemy saying: Don’t shoot yet, I want to change my ammunition,” I ask you!

In everyday life, aberrations surround us. They are so trite and stupid, one wonders how they are permitted not only to exist, but continue ignored, unrecognised or even supported.

Take for instance a well-known baby shampoo. Clearly on a label can be read: “Keep out of the reach of children”; on a doctor’s nameplate can be read: “Surgery hours 8.30am-noon; 2pm-6pm; emergencies by appointment.” A sign outside a tattooist assures the unwary: “…Ears pierced, while you wait…”

In a municipal garden notices proclaimed: “Do not walk on the grass; offendors (sic) could be prosecuted. Adjacent to that, where workmen had completed renovating a path, another sign insisted: “Wet cement; stay clear.”

Perhaps we are too tired, too complacent, or just don’t care?

There are only two certainties in life … income tax and death … unfortunately, for most, they come in the wrong order. But during our short sojourn on this mortal coil, we are so bemused by aberrations, but seem incapable of doing anything about them beyond accepting them!

To conclude this first Christmas blog, I leave you with a Goon Show theme in which the loony cast (Sellers, Milligan, et al) invent a machine to dig a canal across the Sahara. They relate it does the digging of 50 people in one go … but it takes 60 people to work it … nuff said.

Later this month, Christmas blog two will look at aberrations at home, in business and in sport …