Well did you ever?

The first of two “Christmas blogs” are designed to make you smile; a chance to reflect on life’s absurdities…

“Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities, has the power to make you commit injustices” … Voltaire

Only a scientist could explain visual aberrations as “…departures of the performance of an optical system from the predictions of paraxial optics…” in itself total jargon, untranslatable, inexplicable, remote.

Stop to think; how many contradictions and aberrations surround us? They are everywhere.

Literature offers paradoxical language manipulations; often the explanation is more puzzling than the subject itself.

Take zeugma, a rhetorical term for the use of a word to modify or govern two or more words, although its use may be grammatically or logically correct with only one (laugh out loud) … an example could be: “You held your breath and the door for me,”

(Alanis Morissette, Head over Feet”); how many have heard of it, or give two hoots for, the word?

Aberrations in life include terrorists who kill “for freedom”, but are simultaneously, or certainly later when in power, referred to as zealots, martyrs or freedom fighters; drug user “celebrities” who, repeatedly, receive knuckle raps from courts for indiscretions, while “normal” members of the public go to jail – and clerical pedophiles who for decades hide habits (excuse the pun) behind cant and secrecy; their churches in desperate denial.

Language and its etymology fascinate. Spoonerisms (transposition by accident) such as sparking pace, bass packwards, chilled greese, dame luck, joking smacket or tarking picket, always raise a smile, while a double entendre or adianoeta. in which a spoken phrase might be understood in either of two ways, usually produces a smirk or a wince, depending on how risqué it might be; my favorites include two of many from actress Mae West … “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted” and “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”

Religion, a subject one should not argue, especially if expert, provides remarkable aberrations; but, seemingly for the sake of convenience; it is either ignored or argued away.

Is it not amazing how the Jews are still blamed for the death of Christ, who is referred to in Christianity as “King of the Jews?”; while an outrageous African American website “The Aberration of Islam” asks: “… Where do we go from here? We continue to fight the white devils, condemn the ghetto religion that is Jewish, and to fight and kill one another. Wisdom decrees that in segregation, oppression and in divine power is the way to a Superior Black Society. Foolishness decrees that if we ignore the warning signs, we will fall into the deeper abyss of Hell (sic) and lay beside the white devils…”

In one word, Wow!

In the temporal world (what is happening today) the true roots of religions, yes all of them, are immersed in the exact opposite of what they promised. Christmas, Easter, even Ramadan and Passover, Hindu Divali and Buddhist marriage and funeral rites have somehow become tainted with commercialism and tourist attractions.

A clear example of modern religious aberration is a report which states: “Generally the top Taliban leaders…have banned depictions of the human form whether in photographs, films or paintings…but photographs are actually required when applying for a passport or visa, though in the case of women only the eyes are allowed to show.” (New York Times, May 6, 2001).

What absolute nonsense.

One has only to take a look at The League of Nations’ ill-conceived Geneva Convention to see how absurd man can be. A clause in it to try to make warfare “humane and fair” (what a joke) sets out what it deemed as “rules” for “fair fighting,” by banning the use of dum-dum bullets (“hollow nose”, which inflict dreadful exit wound damage). Fair enough, but can you imagine a solider, confronted by an enemy saying: Don’t shoot yet, I want to change my ammunition,” I ask you!

In everyday life, aberrations surround us. They are so trite and stupid, one wonders how they are permitted not only to exist, but continue ignored, unrecognised or even supported.

Take for instance a well-known baby shampoo. Clearly on a label can be read: “Keep out of the reach of children”; on a doctor’s nameplate can be read: “Surgery hours 8.30am-noon; 2pm-6pm; emergencies by appointment.” A sign outside a tattooist assures the unwary: “…Ears pierced, while you wait…”

In a municipal garden notices proclaimed: “Do not walk on the grass; offendors (sic) could be prosecuted. Adjacent to that, where workmen had completed renovating a path, another sign insisted: “Wet cement; stay clear.”

Perhaps we are too tired, too complacent, or just don’t care?

There are only two certainties in life … income tax and death … unfortunately, for most, they come in the wrong order. But during our short sojourn on this mortal coil, we are so bemused by aberrations, but seem incapable of doing anything about them beyond accepting them!

To conclude this first Christmas blog, I leave you with a Goon Show theme in which the loony cast (Sellers, Milligan, et al) invent a machine to dig a canal across the Sahara. They relate it does the digging of 50 people in one go … but it takes 60 people to work it … nuff said.

Later this month, Christmas blog two will look at aberrations at home, in business and in sport …

The strident chords and words of the Royal Navy’s Hearts of Oak might be in order when Personal Trust/WP try to wrest the Perfect Delivery/BowlsSA Interdistricts Tournament trophies from 19 other hopefuls in March.

“…We’ll fight and we’ll conquer again and again…” rests largely in the men’s division with their skips – the sublime Kevin Campbell (Glen CC) and the fearless Neels Kotze (Constantia); the Disa’s women, champions in 2010 and runners-up last season, are sure to again feature on the slick Johannesburg greens from March 12-16

The men’s selectors have gone for a blend of experience and youth in both Open and B sides; perhaps the glory of a decade ago might be rekindled.

The women’s team contains several international and SA Masters players, but the absence of WP’s top player Trish Steyn (WPCC) and prodigy Janita du Toit (Plumstead) because of work commitments must be a disappointment.

Nevertheless, we wish them well and look for glory … as we do each season.

Open: Men in Johannesburg: : Kevin Campbell (Glen CC), Peter Harvey (Constantia), Tori Sabatti (Durbanville), Gavern Williams (Constantia); Neels Kotze (Pollsmoor), AD Fourie (Stel vd Stel), John Malan (Stel vd Stel), Schalk Kotze (Old Oak); manager: Jimmy Morgan. WP B: In Southern Cape: Grant Greyling (Plumstead), Eugene Ferreira (WPCC); Raysford Cruywagen (Goodwood), Ian Saunders (Constantia); Heinz Schliesser (Edgemead), Stefan de Jager (Stel vd Stel), Paul Ferns (Stel vd Stel), Mbulelo Soji (Helderberg), Manager: Lionel Verwey; Seniors: At Sables: Alan Lofthouse (Constantia), Brian Pearman (Plumstead), Gert Bruwer (Durbanville), Trevor Wright (Plumstead); Daniel Loubser (WPCC), Bobby Cron (Constantia), Roley Maggott (Durbanville), Marthin van Breda (Helderberg); manager: Maurice Moyles,

Women: Marina Brink (Gordon’s Bay), Darryl Edwards (Constantia), Sylvia Burns (MILCOS), Susan Mckay-Vlok (Helderberg); Louise Roediger (Strand), Rene Swanepoel (Durbanville), Anita Groenewald (Edgemead), Antro Whicher (Constantia); Manager: Maureen McLeod; WP B: Connie Finikarides (Oakdale), Maggie van Zyl (Durbanville), Rita Himschoot (MILCOS), Jill van Rensburg (Mowbray); Jeanette Raad (MILCOS), Moira Standley (Constantia), Michelle van Zyl (Goodwood), Lydia Maritz (Durbanville); manager: Rehle Slabber; Seniors: Rita Burger (Durbanville), Marie van Vuuren (Strand) Flo George (Constantia ), Sussie Boonzaier (Strand); Pat Stallwood (Durbanville), Nina Painter (Helderberg), Anita Quinn (Durbanville), Margaret Thomas (Durbanville); manager: Joey Lieuwma.

The tab of the enfant terrible of WP men’s bowls Brian Smith is now with his Maker. Brian, who died at the weekend after a short illness, took no prisoners on the green; off it, he was a charming amiable guy. I spoke to him not 10 days ago at his beloved WPCC where had been a member for many years. Small in stature, but larger than life, he represented South Africa with distinction as a senior Protea, WP district open and senior sides and was a multiple champion at every level of competitive bowls. I best remember Brian from the Wanderers a few years ago. Playing in the finals of the national trips with Neil Burkett and Danie Loubser, the irascible Smith was dissatisfied with the amiable Burkett, who he claimed had “given the fours away” earlier in the week. During the trips game, Burkett played a wonder shot; “why didn’t you play like that in the fours?” he shouted up the green. “Smithy” will be sorely missed by all, but always remembered by family, friends and the many that suffered his tongue and skills on the greens.

Dates and times for the screening of the Test matches between South Africa and Namibia at Constantia Bowling Club, Cape Town, are: December 14 at 5pm-6pm; SuperSport 205, December 15, 11am-12 noon; SS 206; December 16 at 3.30pm-4.30pm; SS 205; December 19 at 9am-10am; SS 206; December 21 at 5.30pm-6.30pm; SS 206; December 23 at 3.30pm-4.30pm; SS205.

WP host the 2012 men’s and women’s All Cape Tournaments simultaneously from May 5-12; the WP Greens Standing Committee will visit all 38 Clubs by the end February. Clubs are asked to forward motivation for consideration as HQ – criteria such as good playing surfaces, adequate catering and bar facilities, office space, parking, security are but some of the vital items to be considered. The zoned combo tournament returns to two points for a win, one for a peel; closing date, January 31; R400 a team; accommodation available (www.wpbowls.co.za) Committee: Doreen de Power (chair), Jan Venter – handbook/printing, Bob Shackleton/John McKeag – records, Maurice Moyles – greens, Alan van Freden – CTO handbook/ technical, Elaine Wilsnagh – catering/sponsors, Riva Myers – catering/handbook. Contact: De Power: 0214237672/0827424945.

Would-be singles players at the Warwick/BowlsSA Nationals in May can enter via a qualifying event at the venue. Spots available depend on district qualifiers’ entries and replacements – 10 days to go; the “Presidents Pick” spots – eight in open, four in seniors – become available to “pre-qualifiers.” KO decides; withdrawals from the main event will not be replaced during qualifying. Any player withdrawing during pre-qualifying gets a R100 fine. Dates: May 17 – 18: singles pre-qualifying; pairs: May 19-20 (1st play-off Sunday pm); May 21-22: fours: (1st play-off on Tuesday pm) Singles: May 23: (round robin; sections of four); May 24 (singles KO; pairs/ fours play-offs; May 25-26 (all play-offs) May 27 (semi-finals/finals). Pairs/fours daily play three rounds of 15 ends until the semi-finals.

Bobby Donnelly and Tracy-Lee Botha of Johannesburg will represent South Africa in the 2012 World Cup (indoor singles) at the Warilla Bowls and Recreation Club near Sydney, Australia from March 25-April 5.

Notices:

• Schonenberg Retirement Village/Somerset W Novice Mixed Trips; February 12 & 19;

• 9am; 3 X 14 daily; R180 team (arrival coffee/snacks/lunch); closes Feb 5: Pete Sneller: 0218518819.

• Schonenberg Retirement Village/Stellebosch/Van der Stel Mixed Trips All Day; March 15; 9am; R195/team (tea and lunch); 3 X 14; Marlene Lambrechts 0218865158/0827291730/Lmarlene@telkomsa.net

• Somerset West; 50th Roelcor Meats/Sally Pooke Day; wear some bling; women’s fours; 3 X 14 March 6; 9am; R220 a team: Lyn Thomas: 0825656871;/0218524408 (after 7pm); Joan Marais 0218515189.

• Strand: 11th Réhle Slabber Classic; March 1/2; R20 000 prizes; mixed 4s; R700 a team; (light breakfast,teas, lunches, supper) 3×15; Contact: Koot Strauss: 0218544776/0837601250; Sussie Boonzaier: 0218547720; 0760367286; club: 0218536625.

• Echelon Private Client Glen Midweek Fours; Feb 15, 22, 29; March 7, 14, 21 R80 a team a week; any format; 1st R4 000; + many more; Harold Cohen 0836514742; Philip Marcus 0827722292; office 0214381512

• Helderberg Mixed Sixes; April 13/14; 3 x15 ends daily; teams of s ( 6 x trips, 3 x pairs, 3 x fours, all mixed; first 18 teams accepted; Peter Human: 0218528368/0828712162; Joe Hodge: 0218520436/0833080390

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